Latest headlines from Minneapolis!

"Minneapolis will pay $165,000 to zombies" is the headline of an article from the Startribune.

Read more about it here.

This only goes to show that Zombies deserve rights too, despite the fact that we eat you live ones.

Another nail in the zombie coffin of victory!

The real Zombie!

So, after seeing my fellow zombies being ridiculed and changed to the point of the absurd, I've decided on taking my time off the human brain-munching to teach you live things what us zombies really are.

First of all: we don't like you. The living. (except the flesh, of course) Your opinions are worthless, and totally beside the point.

We zombies are blessed in the sense that we've gotten rid of the disease called "life". i.e. we are dead. You might say "oh, but life is a blessing" and all that, but as a zombie, I can say its not. Ofcourse, as a zombie, all the physiological attributes that follow this particular case applies to us, just as it does to you. Except that we cannot "die" by conventional methods. (unless you count being shot in the head and decapitated conventional)

We're stiff. We're slow. We smell bad. Don't flatter yourselves, you smell bad too. We don't talk much, but occasionally our lungs move a bit when we lurch toward our next feast, and sometimes when this happens, some air might escape. For you live people I would guess it's like an unexpected fart during a run or a jacuzzi-bath or something. We don't communicate with each other. Since we are dead, we don't have the need for it; we all know what we are supposed to do. But mainly the sounds we emit are mostly groans and moans. I find that sexy, don't you?

Anyways. When it comes to the physical aspects of the zombie, there have been some disturbing new turns to this. One of them is that zombies can run. This is totally illogical. How can any dead body be able to move at a great speed at all? the muscles are deteriorating, we got no bloodflow, and our coordination is like a drunken sheep on a teacup-ride. Funny until it hits you in the face.

Some people seem to think that being undead grants great strength. Again, this is absolutely false, and is not supported by any logical or rational thought. Dead bodies are rotting, muscles are decomposing. No muscles = no strength.

We don't have a memory either. All we know is food when we see it. We don't remember our loved ones, or if we ate only veggies when we lived, or stuff like that. We just don't remember. The only brain activity we got is that of extremely basic motoric skills (lunging, lurching, dragging, clawing, biting) and our primary instinct: Feeding.

Now that I've told you how silly you are, I will proceed to tell you why we are in fact the most horrific creature in existence:

We never EVER get tired. We don't stop until our head falls off, or we rot to pieces. You squishy people with all your dna all over the place, you need to sleep, rest, eat and drink. You also can't stand high or low temperatures, as this affects you greatly. once we've started following you, we're not stopping. Ever.

The second reason for why zombies are such a menace towards live ones, is because the live ones are stupid when confronted with dead people that they previously knew. You live ones just cannot accept the fact that when people are dead, they are no longer the same people. Thus, you try to talk to us, and stop us, either convincing us, or more likely trying to convince yourselves that this is not happening. This is the perfect opportunity for us to strike.

What is easier to kill than paralyzed food? I mean live people. And because this happens a lot, and you people NEVER learn (so much for your so-called cognitive skill) we do this over and over and over. The result is that in the end, zombies will always outnumber live people.

Then there are all the methods of getting rid of a zombie. We're not like vampires or werewolves or ghosts or any of that silly stuff. We don't have a supernatural weakness like garlic, silver, holy water or the noises that come out from some of you live ones. Our weakness is simple, and yet you fail to use it against us.

PS: I saw this one movie where there were zombies that ran ON THE CEILING! And I dont mean on top of it. They ran on the ceiling inside a building, i.e. hanging from the roof.

Since when do we posses the power of anti-gravitation? is gravitation something that only affects the living? Don't be silly. We're dead and we know better. You should be ashamed.

And now I bid you "uuuuuuururrgghghghhhhh......" as I crawl off to eat the legs of the next person I see.

Skepticism revised?

So this is the big skeptics-topic of the month/summer/year. It's about Phil Plait's speech at TAM8, which I would dare say both impressed and made some people think. It certainly made me think. The first thing I reacted to was his question about how you lost your previous belief, and I will tell you why:

I have been a believer. I have believed many a thing. I started out as a christian during my early teen-days, which in retrospect was probably just something I did because all my friends did it (monkey see, monkey do). It didn't make me feel like there was anything like a divine spirit or holy spirit making my day more bright, and I were a christian for about three years, at which point it just subsided. I forgot it, plain and simple.

After a few more years, I moved in with my aunt. My aunt is really into spiritism, reiki, aura, regressive hypnotherapy and all that. She made me believe in it too. I was a strong believer for about another 3-4 years, and I believed in reincarnation, I firmly believed in beings from other dimmensions, extraterrestrials, and such. But not in the ordinary way. I believed in them in the way where I thought that if you said a certain "prayer" they would come to your aid. Healing anatomical anomalies one could have had for its entire life. So kind of like gods, if you will, and we could all ascend to that plane by realizing our inner selves or some stuff like that.

I strongly believed this, no matter how reasonable or how nice the people who tried to convince me otherwise were toward me. I was so set in my way, and I believed hard. But I wasnt a fanatic, and I didn't push my beliefs on others, unless you count sharing my deep passion for it with other people. I hope none of them believe it today.

Anyhow, the point I was making. Phil asked about how you lost your faith. I was quite a bit shocked that nobody raised their hands when he asked "did you lose your faith because someone called you an idiot" (not accurate quote, but you get the point).

Am I the only one who realised his stupidity through other telling me how stupid I was? Two persons (along with their top-notch team) saved me from my delusions. Penn & Teller. Thats right. Penn & Tellers show is single handedly responsible for saving me from a fate worse than death. Denial of how life is. The way they said how every person that believed this was an asshole, stupid and using all their verbal might, I finally realized the folly of my ways, and was suddenly free.

And just to let you know that I just didn't happen to "suddenly change my opinion" I also had several friends during my period of belief who actually tried telling me, or making me figure it out by myself. This didn't work, because I had already "figured it out" since I believed in it.

But the power of stupidity is ultimately what saved me. I have always considered myself somewhat of a heavy thinker. I think a lot. Not necessarily about any specific, or anything important. I take pride in my cognitive skills, and having them challenged is something that makes me think more than any other motivation.

Challenging the intellect of people is the most powerful tool I have, as long as I do it correctly, and unfortunately, this tool is far from perfection. I am not the sort of person to state that people are wrong, even if I know it. I merely encourage thought. I try to make other people think, and more specifically think about what they are saying, how they are saying it, and how they ultimately came to the conclusion. I ask questions as if I don't know what they are talking about, and ofcourse I know, but in this way when they say something really silly (like earth is xxxx years old) I can ask them how they know. How do they personally know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and most of the time, if I do this correctly, they will stump themselves and start seeing it from the outside.

and ofcourse, if they say "I just know it" or "you're dumb for not knowing" or anything that isn't telling me the rational or "logical" way for them to believe it, I will simply say "well, it has been interesting, but I tend not to believe in anything people tell me without anything to back it up". This is also an excellent way to make people think, because they might themselves have been caught like this, and if I shower some light on that situation without referring to their own, then they might take the hint.

Phil Plait also said something about a goal. "what is your goal when discussing this". The only goal I have is for people to stop being a walking PR-firm for whatever it is they believe. I dont mind people believing in us being mind-controlled by cats from Phobos since the pharaos went there, or whatever. That is their belief, their problem. What I do not like is people pushing beliefs.
Freedom is just more than the freedom to choose life. Its also freedom to choose to believe whatever you want to believe, however silly it is, as long as you DON'T. HURT. OTHERS!

The ultimate conclusion I have made regarding my life, and religion in general is as follows:

I cannot allow myself to believe in anything written by man, since there is no doubt in my mind that it cannot possibly be godly if it is done by the hand of man. And we all know that the bible has a million versions, all edited by man. That is not a holy book.

Neither can I allow myself to believe in the afterlife, since this might impair my ability to live life to its fullest. I am not saying there is not an afterlife. I am merely saying that the thought of an afterlife might make you enjoy this one a bit less. "there is always the afterlife, in case I screw up this one".

And believing in higher powers is just something I do not waste my time on. If I want a godly entity to worship, I will either do as Carlin and worship the sun, or I will worship black holes. They are far more intriguing than any deity. And the best part is: we can actually see it! we know it is there!

This has been a long post, and I hope it has been a fun read for whoever might read it.

Everything is beautiful... if seen from the right observer.

Hello again folks. It's been a while. I've had a lot to think about (as usual) and this time I've decided to do a post about beauty.

Most people I meet usually do not approve of their own appearance. They usually think they are ugly, or have some sort of flaw, and everytime I hear this, I tell them the same thing:

Beauty is probably one of the most relative concepts we got. There are at least 7 billion different ways of describing beauty. Every person alive has their own opinion, and they all change continuously.
A person who judges their own appearance usually base their judgement on how other people treat them. If other people treat them like they are ugly, they will believe this. Even good looking people might believe they are ugly if they are told so often enough. As our good comrade Lenin once said: "a lie told often enough becomes the truth".

Very few can judge their own appearance and do it well, and people who judge their appearance often do so from a negative standpoint. A person that does not get hurt by others opinion does not judge their own appearance. At least not any I've met.

If you are willing to believe the opinions of others, then you would have to get the opinion of at least 100 000 people to get anywhere near a straight answer. You can ask A person how they think you look, but you can never put a tag on your looks and say "this is it". Any person in the world will probably find one person that loves their appearance, and one that hates it somewhere in our 7 billion people.

Also, when people get together, their view on beauty gets affected by the other people they are around. One man could look at a woman, and point out 3 flaws and 3 perfections (example), while the same man with another 4 could easily find more perfections and flaws, or even turn flaws into perfections, or vice versa. I am pretty sure its the same thing for women, although I will not guarantee it.

Do not let anyone convince you that you are ugly. Nobody is ugly. Everyone is unique, and there is always someone out there, probably more than a few hundred in our world that would find "ugly" people as beautiful. Don't judge your appearance, and don't let yourself be deceived by others. be proud of what you are. after all, its all random.

Beauty. We all worship it, and we all have different views of it.